I'm sure you've all been on the edge of your seat waiting for my next blog post. Ha! I'm not going to back track over the last 2 months and fill you in on each and every detail we'll just jump to today!
Hudson is 4 months old (on the 24th..oops) !! I feel like with each month I've thought 'this is definitely my favorite stage' but then the next month comes up and Hudson starts doing something new and it quickly takes the place of the last favorite stage. We went to the pediatrician yesterday where Hudson weighed in at 15.8 lbs and was 24.75 inches long. He's growing wider than he is long ;) He's still only breastfed but I may start him on rice cereal before his 6 month appointment. I haven't quite decided on that one yet. He goes down for the night still between 7:30 or 8 and usually wakes up anywhere between 7-8AM. Such a blessing to have such a good sleeper!
I started back to work on Jan 6th which has been a challenge in itself. While I was pregnant there was never a doubt in my mind that I would go back to work and Hudson would go to daycare a few days a week. I don't think he was even a month old before Cliff and I started discussing me staying home with him full time. I know I have said this before but I just feel like being a mama IS my job. So, after lots of conversations we decided that me staying home would be the best thing for our family. I'm sure you're wondering now why I started this paragraph by saying 'I started back to work..' Well, I promised my boss I would be coming back to work while I was still pregnant and unfortunately there was no one to take my spot. So I'm back right now for 2 months to train someone to take over for me. It's been 4 of the hardest weeks so far. I'm not trying to be a big complainer but I absolutely hate leaving my baby. I thought it would have gotten easier by now but it really hasn't. There are some days I have to leave for work before he wakes up and I don't make it home until 5. It's rough. I keep extra mascara and concealer in my purse these days. But, I know that this too shall pass and we are so incredibly blessed to have our family so close to us. Cliff's mom has been watching him most every day and my mom has been taking off every Thursday to watch him. We could not ask for better a better Gram or Cici! He's also made a few trips to work with me. Thank goodness for a workplace that allows that....not that it is allowed I just tend to be a rule breaker. Ha!
Now for the part I've been debating on writing about but figure I might as well share. When Hudson was born they did a hearing screening in the hospital just a few hours after he was born (this is now mandatory in TN and in most states) he failed it and the nurse told us that was totally normal and she would redo it before we were discharged. She did it again the next day and he passed the right side and failed the left. The pediatrician then told us that again was normal and it was probably just fluid in his ears left over from birth. I took Hudson back to the hospital when he was 2 weeks for another screening thinking that by now the fluid would all be out of his ears. This time he failed both ears. The audiologist this time made it seem slightly more serious, but was thinking it could be because he was a little sniffly. She referred us to Vanderbilt for a full newborn ABR hearing screening. Keep in mind at this point he was 2 weeks old and not 'responding' to anything. The first available appointment at Vanderbilt was in November so we had about 2 months of a waiting period. We were slightly worried at first but over the course of the next 2 months we noticed he was responding to everything. We were going out of our way to check his responses and sure enough he was totally fine! When I talked to him he scanned the room trying to find where I was. When Missi barked he jumped, when Cliff laughed he smiled, etc. So I cancelled the screening. There was no reason to go in our heads. We had Hudson's 2 month appointment 2 days after the screening was supposed to have taken place and I casually mentioned cancelling the appointment because his hearing was fine. Our doctor very nicely recommended we reschedule the appointment as a precaution but not to be in a hurry about because I was probably right. (He didn't say that but I read his mind) So we finally went to the appointment on January 13th. They had told us he needed to come hungry and tired. Umm ok you try making a baby obey by a set guideline like that. But thankfully when we got there it was time to feed him and he fell asleep like a champion and slept for the whole 2 hour test. Unfortunately Cliff and I naively thought that since he's been responding to us this test was going to be a big fat waste of our time and weren't prepared to hear that he does in fact have hearing loss in both ears. So the audiologist went over the results with us and frankly I was half listening as both Cliff and my stomach had been rumbling for an hour and I was looking forward to eating. I figured she was about to tell us he would have to go to speech therapy blah blah I got it. My mind focused back in when she said he would have to wear hearing aids for the rest of his life because of the amount of hearing loss. She must have noticed I turned a shade of gray because then she just kept talking..and talking..and talking. I finally couldn't hold my tears in any more and sort of unraveled for a few minutes. We left the appointment with referrals to a pediatric ENT and to set up a time for hearing aid selections, still in somewhat of a daze.
A week later we met with the ENT we were referred to. After having time to mull it over and talk with our family about it Cliff and I both were optimistic in thinking that the audiologist was just trying to 'sell us on hearing aids'. After a thorough talk with the ENT we learned that Hudson has nerve damage. There are 2 bones in your ear plus the ear drum. So, when your doctor looks in your ear they can tell if those are damaged which can be fixed surgically. However, the point of this ABR hearing test was to check for nerve damage. He told us there's really no actual way to know why this happened or if it will continue to effect the rest of our children on down the road. What we do know is that in the next few months we'll have to take Hudson to have a CT scan to make sure that his cochlea is attached correctly. If it's not, the likelihood of him being able to play contact sports or any kind of 'rough housing' is slim as this could further damage his hearing if not make him fully deaf. Right now we're kind of in limbo. We've been referred to a geneticist at Vanderbilt (this is part of them being a teaching hospital) to see if the damage was because of a gene from Cliff or I and what likelihood will be of our next child being born with hearing loss or deaf will be. I could really give or take that appointment because our next child could be born profoundly deaf and it wouldn't change anything for me.
After talking with our pediatrician about all of this he recommended we have Hudson in the hearing aids by the time he's 6 months as that's when he's going to really start developing his speech. So, that's what we're going to do.
I want to end this by saying when I said I hesitated on writing this post it's not because I'm embarrassed or upset that Hudson has to wear hearing aids. After much reflection I've come to the conclusion that I'm so much more upset about this FOR him. (And becuase no one cares to read a post by a debbie downer!) It hasn't been that long since I was in middle, or high school. Kids can be mean. People can be mean. As much as we preach not to judge one another and be kind to each other it seems that the judgement and hate will never stop. And, I hate thinking about my baby having to deal with that from the get go. But, in the grand scheme of things this is really so minimal and could be so much worse. We left Vanderbilt after the audiology appointment with our initial diagnoses with mascara running down my face and as I got in my car to drive away I stopped and looked around me. A woman was struggling to get in her car with her baby and daughter who had a feeding tube in and had lost all of her hair I'm only assuming due to chemo. A man leaving with his son who was wheelchair bound. I looked in my review mirror trying to make myself look decent again only to see Hudson smiling at himself in his mirror. I wanted to smack myself. We're so blessed beyond belief to have a happy healthy baby. He could care less that he has to wear hearing aids. At this point all we can do as parents is take advantage of modern medicine and do what we can to make his hearing as good as ours. He is truly such a happy little man it's hard to be upset about anything with him around!
After talking with our pediatrician about all of this he recommended we have Hudson in the hearing aids by the time he's 6 months as that's when he's going to really start developing his speech. So, that's what we're going to do.
I want to end this by saying when I said I hesitated on writing this post it's not because I'm embarrassed or upset that Hudson has to wear hearing aids. After much reflection I've come to the conclusion that I'm so much more upset about this FOR him. (And becuase no one cares to read a post by a debbie downer!) It hasn't been that long since I was in middle, or high school. Kids can be mean. People can be mean. As much as we preach not to judge one another and be kind to each other it seems that the judgement and hate will never stop. And, I hate thinking about my baby having to deal with that from the get go. But, in the grand scheme of things this is really so minimal and could be so much worse. We left Vanderbilt after the audiology appointment with our initial diagnoses with mascara running down my face and as I got in my car to drive away I stopped and looked around me. A woman was struggling to get in her car with her baby and daughter who had a feeding tube in and had lost all of her hair I'm only assuming due to chemo. A man leaving with his son who was wheelchair bound. I looked in my review mirror trying to make myself look decent again only to see Hudson smiling at himself in his mirror. I wanted to smack myself. We're so blessed beyond belief to have a happy healthy baby. He could care less that he has to wear hearing aids. At this point all we can do as parents is take advantage of modern medicine and do what we can to make his hearing as good as ours. He is truly such a happy little man it's hard to be upset about anything with him around!
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